When you desire not yourself but others, you will encounter moments were life appears to be a wall. Everything that you produce is no longer enough. You find yourself not enjoying life but rather staring at it. I can say that most of my life has been a series of entanglements with people who I hoped would love me. The truth is that I found love and I discovered that love is often what destroys me. I get tired of love being not something that liberates me but rather something that holds me back. I guess the reality of my life is that I often create the same chains that then entrap me. But I can’t seem to break the cycle so I search for hope in the same thing that I want to destroy. I can’t say that I am a victim; often I am the one that ruins. I’m starting to think that I don’t deserve anyone. I wish that I would reach a point where being alone would not scare me. I don’t have enough faith or enough independence. I live by hanging on to words that don’t have the promise to appear.


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