I used to crave the world. I wanted nothing except to live but even living has a cost.

Last year I hid under the comfort of conformity. The comfort saved me but it didn’t shake me out of my darkness. I’m not sure where I stand today. What I can write is that loss permeates the air of my existence.And after two spelling mistakes, I can also talk about the loss of my independence from computer generated programs.

Who am I and where am I going? I can begin by saying that today I feel a terrible sense of loneliness. It’s like Rutgers during the end of finals week. You walk around and see no one and you suddenly realize your place in the world. We create versions of the world but those versions are our own only. I suppose that literature is the only way for one human experience to trespass to others.

I’m not sure if my place in the world is even worth keeping. I have lost three best friends since college began. In some ways it doesn’t matter. My mind is really confused about how to feel.

I have lived in so much need to control my life that in the process, I have not lived. I took charge of being like my mother who hid me from the dangers of the world by making me stay at home.

I am tired of doing things that lead to nothing except loss.I recently had a lecture on commas. But does a comma truly matter within life? Or is it just a way to fit into a pre-determined role?


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