Sometimes you have to shed an old life to find a new one. But at times this life shedding is not something chosen but just happens. I am thinking right now about how much time we devote to being part of something. And it almost makes me laugh at how easily this artifice crumbles. But was it an artifice. Words are supposed to carry all this weight but words can only mean whatever meaning we give them. And even if we try to give a statement meaning, people can twist and turn such meaning into whatever they want to see. Shakespeare created Iago in Othello as a figure of human manipulation. Iago uses people’s fears and thoughts to create visions of realities that do not really exist. And by twisting words we can also twist reality. I am thinking right now of the nursery rhyme “sticks and stones may break my bones but words will never harm me”. And I can’t refute that statement but I also can’t refute the fact that at times the statement changes to words will break my heart. The point in the dissonance between the statements is that they are true at the same time. Words do break hearts but they only reach to the extent that we allow them to reach us.
I am at this point understanding myself in new ways. I realize that I am not the perfect christian but I also realize that God doesn’t expect me to be perfect. He just expects me to try and even when I willfully disobey God’s teachings he does not become angered. He is the ultimate forgiver. Beneath words are intentions. God does not just see your words nor your actions but sees your intentions. If God expected us to be perfect he would not have created confession. We would just be perfect or perish.
This season of lent is a gift that I have been granted. I will use the season to forgive others and to accept my own shortcomings. Ultimately losing a friendship on earth is difficult but inevitable. Honestly people expect too much from others and this makes relationships fail. I am also working on accepting that perfection is not a realistic expectation. And God has finally taught me that silence is the greatest words that my mouth can utter.
Every time that I begin a new post, I always try to go somewhere but I am always led back to God. I am a sinner. I am too liberal at times. But in the end my love for God never breaks. God’s love is my strength and home. Even when life gets tough, God is my refuge. My old life was similar to my new one except for one thing. Things used to devastate me. I used to become frantic about exams and essays. Now I am at peace because now I know that darkness has a light and that light is God who never leaves.