Finding the Self in Fiction

The end of Don Jon felt tangible but it didn’t feel magical. It didn’t make me demand more. I feel like it validated the need for an emotional connection within sex but not in a way that seemed ideal. But maybe it didn’t seek to portray ideal but rather sought to create a situation that mirrored the entanglements that we humans create to not feel lonely. In general I had a hard time enjoying the movie. The accents, the over exaggerated jersey shore type of situation, I just really could not enjoy the superficiality that it magnified. I suppose that the point of any work of fiction is not to tell a story but to show us our own psychology.

I have recently realized the importance of loving ourselves. If we don’t love ourselves people will just take advantage of our self-hatred. Sometimes we settle for ambiguity in a relationship because something is better than nothing. Except I very much disagree with such a concept. The reason that I did not like the end of Don Jon was because  the two characters settled on each other. Yes they did teach each other a lesson, but their connection seemed dissonant.

Lately I have a hard time finding a female character that I actually admire in film. Scarlett Johansson’s character was a huge disappointment. She didn’t respect Jon; she was a selfish princess who saw education not as a pleasure, but as a way to attain wealth in the future. Her accent made me want to rip out my ears. Is that what a woman is supposed to be if she is pretty? Some vacant shell? The scene where Jon goes to buy the Swiffer wipes and she freaks out aggravated me. Who cares about appearances?  I’ve reached a place where I find it absurd to picture myself in fancy places. I do like nice things but I also don’t want fancy things just so that others can envy me. I rather just have amazing experiences than brand- name things.

The spectacular now felt like a simplified version of my own path. I didn’t relate to the main character but I did relate to his girlfriend. I used to be the girl who gave everything. I would fall and get up worried that I had fallen in the wrong way. I used to let people use me for their own selfish intentions. I would sit and hear broken hearted boys talk to me, let them kiss me, and then would go home and feel the loneliness of never getting much reciprocated. I am and forever will be the dork, the nerd, the naïve girl. I am much more careful now. But I still soften up when music, spirituality, and literature line my connection with someone. I am cautious of glamor but not cautious of simplicity. I suppose I know how to navigate the simple path. I don’t like thinking about my outfit. I do enjoy picking an outfit but I don’t want to care about whether my outfit is good enough to some standard. I did like that about Aimee. She was herself and didn’t worry about anyone’s opinion.

The end of the Spectacular Now was provocative. It didn’t answer all the questions. The viewer is forced to remain on tip toes. I personally really liked the ending because it didn’t promise stability but it promised that life would continue. I think that it is important that people face fiction that does not offer an ending but rather a hiatus.

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