I would like to feel the fizz of club soda explode as it makes it’s way down my body. Would it kill me? i’m not qualified to make such an assumption.
But I do know how it feels to love someone so much that you stay despite the way that their words consistently carve holes inside of you.
I know how it feels to show your weaknesses to a stranger; the feeling of making a home out of someone who eventually fades away.
Emptiness, hunger, they are all things we feel and must learn to dominate. There is no reason to eat a whole cake, and no reason to briefly open up to strangers who stir no emotion inside our souls.
But I have done both in my search to self-fulfillment.
I used to be afraid to sit alone.
Because alone felt explosive; alone pushed me to places that never felt like home.
These places left edges and edges of residue around my once, now lost, purity.
It took pain and loss to reach the peak of the mountain.
I didn’t climb up but fell and fell until the only option was to fly.
So near my greatest fall, I sighed and wings held me as I made my way up.
I stumbled because wings were unnatural, I had once been chained and now I had wings.
Flowers began to become part of my daily attire because flowers promised springtime
and I had to navigate a dark tunnel.
I started to notice the people who try to climb on the back of others
And I realized that people are not portals and they cannot heal the scars within our souls
Scars were made so that one day we would reflect the beauty of our downfalls;
Even stars are supernovas that once exploded but look at how brightly their destruction lines the sky.
I am now an empress of my own solitude and happiness.
And I will sit not on a throne but on the grass reaching towards the stars;
One day our pains will align.