Running Away

I had this dream once

of a beautiful love

full of laughter, cuddling, and hope.

Instead I found a thing

What is thing?

Thing is a man who claims my body.

He treats me like I am only a commodity.

Netfllix is on, but his hand just gropes

my lying body.

I stand up, “Take me home”

I had not even a license to go home;

My parents did not know.

I could never rely on my father for a ride,

So instead I lay back down and I let this man

Ridicule me with his strong movements, away and into me.

“End, End, End I begged the air

Fake, Fake, Fake the air breathed back.

I am wearing a glittery dress, my shoes are killers

They are beautiful but they ache my bones

We stand on the dock outside a ball

He pulls out a note, “Marry me”

I hear the echoes of my many stifled cries

This is it, it will never be better

I was entrapped by a fear to face the world alone

You see my mother she never knew how to breathe

unless my dad sternly told her to keep doing it.

Yes? I grabbed the ring and put it on my finger

That’s not the way. But if he was going to make me a wife,

I wanted to place the bondage on my own arm,

The bondage twinkled, it seemed beautiful,

But it was only an illusion.

So one day as we lay playing connect four,

I hit this man’s head. I awoke from my sleeping syndrome

And my fist hit his skull, he looked at me shocked

He tried to grab me, and one last time I let him have me.

Is this the story of one man, or is this the story of the misogynists who

have walked and claimed to map my body?

Glamor kills. What does this mean and how is it relevant?

The glamour of a pretty love story, the glamour of drinks, and patios

I sit in some dark bar, I turn to the erotic dancer next to me and I say

We are all performers, You are performing for everyone, and I am here

performing for him, I laughed and she laughed at the absurdity of the truth.

Liquor fades, I wake up and run away from all the careless sins

from all the shackles of money and illusion.

I begin to breathe again.

I seek not a man but me.

 

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