Clouds, Love, and Winds

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The balcony that overlooks the beach. I keep remembering it. I was alone at first, and there were no clouds, there was the sun, my blue shirt, the chill in the wind, and the bright and yellow sun. I thought about going out to the beach, instead I stayed afraid to encounter charms in this land of temporality.

You came then, at first you didn’t, you called me, I am three hours away, I got mad, “Why did you make me come so early”, I’m bored. I took in the four walls, turned on the television suddenly a knock, I opened the door, you stood by the frame with your knapsack, you kissed me. It felt refreshing, like a drink of water in an arid desert, i felt your chest, your bones, your muscles, and as you lay with me, I admired the mark on your stomach, the boil.

I recall the many times we made yet another hotel our home. We went to wall mart bought uncrustables, hot pockets, chips, dip, we were kids making this foreign place our home. Remember the wine, remember that resort? with the personal pool, the jacuzzi, the round moving bed? Remember that night, I don’t. I woke up to my puke, I freaked out, you took us home, we fought, I left your ring, you pounded the steering wheel.

Remember the ring? The note that went along with it? You are the one who tolerates me. punch. my fist hit your head. it was in the room with the beach and the balcony, you beat me at connect four. I was tired. of the bullshit.

crazy, you don’t deserve me. I’m done. the pills. the oxycodone, rest brain.

you are there, you are holding my hand, holding my body, we are strangers in a hotel room. you hold me, you kiss me, I feel something. you give me a note, “will you be my significant other?” I argue with you about it, you win. I’m yours. “I almost cheated on you in June” you say. the note marked may 28. I don’t react. I’m inert.

lose yourself in the music. lose it. lose it. your sanity. who are you? Who was he? the boy who fixed your heart once? the guy who used to make you laugh, the one who was your best friend. no. he is your ex.

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